


real Spork hours

by AnarKuki



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23913796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnarKuki/pseuds/AnarKuki
Summary: Spork is depressed and their flatmates start to get worried. Also: tiktok cringe compilationsThis is a modern au made from taking all my tabletop rpg characters and making them live in one apartment. I was supposed to kick this au off with some wacky hijinks but needed to write something to comfort myself so this thing was born. There's no description of characters' looks bc I still haven't decided if I'm making them all human or not haha. Og Peggy is a half-orc and Spork is a halfling.





	real Spork hours

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a native English speaker and this is the first longer thing I wrote in English so any feedback is appreciated!!  
> Oh and both characters are nb, they just use different pronouns

The lights in Spork’s room were all turned off, except for a little mushroom-shaped night light shedding dim pink light across the room. The scene was completely still, safe for an occasional movement of the figure hidden under a pile of blankets on the bed.

Spork didn’t really know what hour it was. They had a habit of shutting the blinds whenever they got like this. The day would merge into an amorphous blob devoid of sleep anyways, and the light irritated their eyes, so it was just more convenient to not let it in at all. They didn’t know just for how long they haven’t left their bed, presumably it was a long time, but they neither had the energy nor cared to check. Deep down Spork was worried about all the classes they’d missed, but those feelings have been all covered by a thick blanket of numbness. Speaking of blankets; spork was covered in them head to toe and somehow they still got cold, didn’t have the energy to do anything with it though, so they laid still, shivering from time to time.

They looked at their wrist, riddled with a few traces of red on the pale skin sprawled across a bunch of old scars. What was it? Three years? Three years they haven’t self harmed and now suddenly there they were, blood dripping lightly onto the sheets, a box cuter laid discarded on the nightstand. No real reason behind it besides feeling bad. They didn’t even feel that much better after self harm but it at least made everything more... real? The numb emotional pain contrasted with a piercing sharp pain of an open wound. Spork knew this wasn’t the right answer to what they were feeling, but this was the only thing they got. It was hard to think that anyone would care about their problems enough to try to help, and so they became isolated in this pile of blankets, waiting for the pain to pass like a bear hibernating to survive the winter. They shifted their position to a more comfortable one, now lying on a side, curled up on themselves. The movement caused their ribs to answer with a twinge of dull pain.

 _“Haven’t taken off the binder since I got here”_ they thought.

_“Should probably do something about this”_

_“….”_

_“Nah, too dysphoric”._

They remembered in that moment how this all started. Their parents called a couple of days ago (maybe?? They weren’t sure about the time) for their birthday and as their family never accepted their identity, there was a lot of misgendering and deadnaming involved. Spork felt sick after that, this turned into a panic attack, all the memories of childhood flooding their mind. No one of their flatmates really noticed this; years of hiding emotional trauma from their parents made a reflex out of hiding every negative feeling flooding them, never asking for help subconsciously knowing they were going to get even more hurt if they let themselves be vunerable even for a moment. So they laid in their blanket cave, waiting for the pain to end. They knew that their family was shit, they knew they were all awful people and yet, they couldn’t get away from their influence. Even when Spork got out of the family house, out of the direct control they still couldn’t stop caring about what their family thought of them and how they treated them. They still had to rely on the money their parents sent them every month, couldn’t even work for their own because college took all their time. They didn’t even like the thing they were studying. Fucking law, hated it really, bunch of stupid rules that people use to exploit those most marginalized in society. _“You don’t get to say what you’re studying if studying law is the only thing that can get you out of an abusive household I guess.”_ They thought.

There was a confident knock on the door leading to Spork’s room. They didn’t respond, too tired to talk and not wanting anyone to see them in this sorry state. After a minute, they heard the light creaking of the door as Peggy slid it half-open letting the light in. Ah, so it was morning.

“Spork, you there?” she said as she came in, a letter in her hand, looking around the room. Finally fixing her gaze on the pile of blankets she continued:

“Haven’t seen you for a while, got worried, and decided to check in. Everything ok?” she waited for a second but then remembered something

“Oh, also: I went to get the mail and there’s something here addressed to a Portia Riverhorn??? I think it’s some kind of a mistake, but your surname is Riverhorn, so I thought I’d run it through you”

Only sobbing could be heard from under the blankets; soft at first but gaining fortitude with each moment. They hated that name, like truly hated it, it brought every single bad memory with it’s six horrible letters. And it wasn’t even that, this name just didn’t fit them. It was like a cage confining them to a fate they didn’t choose. It wasn’t them. It WASN’T FUCKING THEM _. “FuckfuckfuckFUCK don’t get like this in front of people”_ Spork thought _“it’s fine if you’re doing this on your own but fucking burdening innocent people with your shit? You really are pathetic, look at yourself. Haven’t gone out of bed for god knows how long, making people worried and then this. You should really jump off a volcano or something”_. This didn’t help, as the weeping became even louder and they didn’t know how to stop.

“Hey, dude what’s going on?” Peggy said dropping the letter on the floor. She closed the door and came closer to the sobbing blanket pile.

“Don’t worry, it’s not your fault, the post gets messed up all of the time”

She said in an attempt to comfort Spork, trying to figure out what caused the outburst. She cast off the blankets from where she suspected Spork’s face to be. They were lying in a fetal position, the blood still dripping slowly but surely reddening the sheets.

“Oh fuck, lil’ dude please talk to me” she attempted to put a hand on the smaller person’s arm “what happened?”

The worried tone in Peggy’s voice made just Spork feel more guilty. They really tried to fight the weeping, to say something, anything really but nothing came out. They felt awful for a while, the awkward moment where Peggy waited for a response but got only weeping was like hell.

“Oh fuck, sorry duderino, I didn’t want you to feel pressured, don’t worry about me let it out and we can talk when you’re done. It’s ok”

She sat on the edge of the bed and begun to cautiously pet their hair.

“You comfortable with that? Don’t have to say ‘nything, just nod. It used to kinda comfort me when mom did that, guess it became a reflex when I try to comfort someone” 

Spork nodded softly, slowly calming with Peggy’s rambling filling the room.

“I’m sorry.”

They said finally between the much less forceful sobs.

“Sorry you had to see this. It’s just… This name gets to me.”

Peggy nodded like she understood then and there what the fuss was about but let Spork continue.

“Sorry I haven’t told you about the deadname thing. Didn’t think it would be relevant and I feel like puking every time I hear it so I tend to just conveniently leave out this information from people.”

A few sobs passed before they spoke again.

”…and sorry for the not getting out of my room thing and worrying you. It just gets like that sometimes and I have to like” they made a vague gesture with their hands “hibernate. Just get through this, you know?”

“Shhhh, lil’ dude, you don’t have to apologize. Like, you have the right to privacy and being depressed and all of this stuff. It’s just you don’t have to struggle alone. I'm here for you. And Bianka. And Yanko. We've become like a fictional family of people with dysfunctional families, really." She let herself trail off for a while before coming back to the topic "Like, I don’t experience dysphoria the way you do and it’s kinda less bearing on my life but I get the gist. Describing the shape of the monster that’s devouring you seems to bee a good start to fighting it. So please, talk to me when it gets bad."

"Ehhh, It's all just... I don't know, like misgendering is not that painful for me but when my family does it I get wrecked" Spork started "and I had to talk with them a lot because of the birthday thing. And it's not even everything because I've felt not great for a long time and I think really anything could have kicked off that emotional descent. I just really hate my life right now."

"Seems tough. You ever thought about going to psychiatrist?" Peggy asked

"Isn't this for like mentally ill people? Sure I get sad but everyone gets sad right?"

"Idk lil' dude, this seems to me like being depressed. Maybe just try one visit?"  
"Yeah sure, as soon as I'll be able to get out of bed" they chuckled and immediately stopped when they realized what they'd said "oh fuck, I really might be depressed"

"Sorry to get off-topic but you haven’t eaten for like three days and I am gonna force you to do it if I have to” Peggy said “right after we take care of this” she motioned to Spork’s wrist.

“Oh shit, you saw that” they said, suddenly realizing the disturbing view was not that difficult to see. They curled up on themselves more “sorry.” they muttered, face pressed into their legs.

“Don’t be sorry lil’ dude, I’m not judging, kinda know what’cha feeling right now, I’m just worried. It’s ok, it happens. You’ll be ok” she said and pet Spork one last time before going out to get the first aid kit.

Spork really didn’t want to be left alone, but it happened nonetheless, just them and their thoughts. Peggy made them feel slightly better but they still didn’t think they had the energy to get out of the bed for a moment, much rather a full school day. The college they went to had strict rules about the absences and they didn’t think an undiagnosed meltdown would qualify as an instance where they were allowed to not be in school. If they’d dropped out, that would be the end; they didn’t have any skills for work and their parents’ funding would stop. Spork sighed, couldn’t really do anything about anything right now.

Peggy came back holding a hoodie in one hand and a first aid kit in the other

“Ok, I’ll need you to uncurl yourself. Preferably sit up but if you don’t feel up for it, just giving me any access to the wrist will do. Also, I noticed you were shivering so I brought something for that” she smiled warmly as she began to disinfect and bandage the wrist that they held towards her, uncurled but still lying. When all of this was over, she passed Spork the hoodie. _“No longer cold”_ they thought after getting into it _“that’s good I think.”_ The commotion caused by putting on the hoodie made their ribs hurt even more than before.

  
“Uhhh… Peggy. Could you maybe go out of the room for a while? I haven’t taken my binder off since this all started and I think I’m going to need new bones if I wear it just a little more.”

“Oh, sure lil’dude” she said and went out of the room leaving Spork to do their thing. The big hoodie made the parting with the binder less painful, they were deeply thankful towards Peggs for getting it for them. The absence of people weighed on Spork once again though.  
  


After a while Peggy came back again, this time knocking beforehand. She was holding a bowl of cereal and a glass of water.  
“You don’t have to eat it all if you don’t feel like it, just try to eat anything. Sometimes doing basic necessities can make a difference in how you feel!!” She said as she motioned for Spork to get up and put the bowl on their lap. They haven’t even noticed how hungry they were until they started eating _“I guess three days was going a little overboard, huh?”_ they thought.

“Hey Peggy?” they said between spoonfuls of cereal

“Huh?”  
“Thanks for everything”  
“No problem lil’dude. Stuff’s hard but remember I’ve got your back”  
  
Not knowing how to respond, Spork just hugged Peggy, they stayed like this for a while, both kind of comforted by this gesture.  
  
“Could you... maybe stay here for a while? I don’t want to be alone, I think. You can do your stuff, the desk is free” they pointed at the aforementioned desk

“…being alone just doesn’t seem to be working out for me that great.” They said and quickly began backing out, suddenly aware of what they said

“No pressure of course, I understand if you have something more urgent to do, it’s absolutely ok, I’ll be fine on my own.”

  
“Shh, it’s ok lil’dude I can stay with you.”

  
“Thank you.”

Peggy went out to get her laptop and came back as quickly as she disappeared.  


“Wanna watch some stupid shit and forget about life?”  
“haha, sure”

Spork made room for Peggy in their bed. They watched tiktok cringe compilations for a while, then a bunch of those weird videos where people showed how to survive in the wild and then Spork fell asleep, for the first time in a while not waking up after an hour.


End file.
